Set sail.

In college I remember a speech by one of my favorite professors called Landfalls and Departures. The premise of the speech was that life is really like sailing a tall ship; just a series of landfalls and departures. We depart on journeys, some short, some long but inevitably we have to make landfall to refuel, resupply, remake, take stock. I have thought a lot about that speech lately. There is something about the departures and the immensity of the journeys at sea that seem eternal. The ever expanding horizon and thoughts of distant lands lay a timeless path and direction.....but inevitably we have to make landfall again. No ship can sail forever. The last year of my life has been landfall after landfall....or maybe it has been the same landfall but I was unaware of how much baggage, tackle, and clingy barnacles my ship had on it and thus I'm on an extended stop in port. It seems as if just when I thought I would set sail again, something else, sometimes good and other times bad has held me in port...my landfall was not complete. A year ago an affair ripped my life apart, creating a turbulent storm in that vast horizon. An eventual divorce, an untimely death, and the emotions wrapped in both kept me on shore for longer. Finally, this week, the house I built is being offloaded from my ship. Somewhat unexpected because I thought it was an integral part of the ship...even the bridge itself. The place that the captain would retreat to, despite the storm or scandals at landfalls and find comfort in the familiarity of his instruments, his log book, his bunk. But what seems to be the case is that my house is just something else to be unloaded. It appears to be something else that was picked up on the journey. It served a purpose, even became woven into the fabric of the day to day life on the ship. But on land, I guess it is time for it to go as well. I am left with my hull and hopefully some sails that will catch the wind and depart again. There are times when I am not sure if that is the case. How can this ship sail without all of those “important” things? How can I guide the ship without the things that have helped me guide it for years?

In the end, how many captains actually own their ships? Very few. I just sail this thing....and that is my job. I must trust the wind and that the next departure will bring another horizon, another journey, adventure, stories, and idols woven into the fabric of a remade ship. I get to keep a few of the best crew members but when it does depart it will be mostly new. I am not sure where we are going and quite frankly I am scared to death of not knowing....but, we will depart because despite what is loaded and unloaded, ships are meant to sail and I have to trust that that is what I will do.